They say a change is as good as a rest. A recent break away confirmed this for me, as holidays with family in tow are somehow never *quite* as restful as you’d hope but nevertheless the break did us all a world of good!
In the past I have often found it less than easy to switch off from daily life, between a busy job, a constant ‘must do’ list, a busy household of growing kids and all the while feeling the need to have several irons in the fire – guilty as charged!
Recently thanks to let’s just say life experience (ok, the wisdom that comes with age) and growth, I’m a bit more appreciative of rest and replenishment and actively seek it out. In years gone by, I distinctly remember dashing around and trying to cram as much as I could into my day or week with little thought to intentional rest.
Perpetual ‘busyness’
I think ‘busyness’ is a state worth considering for many of us. Often proudly donned like a badge of honor.
Where does it originate? Is it generational? Largely experienced by females? A trait more common amongst mums? Not sure. Quite possibly a combination of all of these elements. After a while it feels somehow self perpetuating and a pretty difficult cycle to break. Even after bringing in awareness, I definitely still have days where I go a bit off-track and revert to old me.
Almost all of the female clients I work with suffer from this affliction too it seems, which is what made me keen to explore it a bit more in a bid to figure out the key to viewing this way of being through a different lens and living, working and resting more intentionally.
On the return part of my family holiday last week I noticed sitting on the ferry that my head felt empty. As in, no major to-do list and no major feeling of lots of tasks piling up in the background empty. Not empty of a brain empty (I hope anyway 🤪).
It felt oddly great. A good odd rather than bad odd, as it may have done a couple of years and in my pre coaching days where life was lists and more lists which I more often than not I had no chance of reaching the bottom of.
Often we fall into the trap of, a bit like at new year feeling like a holiday is the magic event where we’ll finally turn over a new leaf and on our return we’ll have this new and improved version of life. Then we seem surprised and overwhelmed when pretty instantly we’re back into the old habits quicker than we can utter ‘what holiday?!’.
Working to live or living to work?
Perhaps some of this may sound familiar :
– Finding yourself in ‘back to back’ meetings without honoring breaks to eat and re-focus.
– Work is something you describe as
‘Crazy busy’ and somehow it never seems to change.
– You proudly proclaim you aren’t free for a catchup with a pal for a number of weeks/months as your schedule is ‘packed’.
– Telling yourself next month will be different but in reality it is the same thing on repeat.
– Finding yourself needing a holiday just to recover from the daily grind. Then you return and the merry go round starts up again…..
Just where does the drive and need for busyness come from?
One thought is that the act of ‘filling in time’ to deflect conscious thoughts or the processing of our inner thoughts, almost as if we are scared to let down our guard and just be at one with ourselves? There is most likely some research that I could have delved into and woven into the client and personal experiences for this one but that would have been an added element on my to-do list and a bit ironic given the ethos here so I’ll say this might be a follow-up blog at some point!
Sometimes when I’m on a bus or a train I’ll intentionally resist the urge to get out my phone and force myself to just sit and be. Looking around me I’m usually the only one not transfixed to my phone but no ivory towers here as often it is also very much a me problem too. The phone admin is never-ending!
The first major step to any change is bringing awareness to our current situation. It takes time and intention to take a step back from and evaluate whether being constantly in demand and putting demands on ourselves is simply a product of our stage of life or sought out (subconsciously or otherwise) because it gives us a strong feeling of value or self worth?
Do I have the antidote to busyness? Sadly not!
But what I have learned for myself is that as long as you are looking for tasks to fill the time, there will always be less time than things you’d like to accomplish adding to the cycle of dissatisfaction.
And whilst a holiday is nice, it is a temporary and fairly expensive fix to the problem. As daft as it sounds, I have found practising doing very little and attempting to empty your mind for short spells is a start.
Some potential ways to help combat eternal busyness :
– Having periods deliiberately cancelling out the ‘noise’ (tv/radio/phones/other tech).
– Getting curious by asking yourself ‘What if?’ questions. I’ll be talking more about this in my next blog..
– Zooming out to understand the bigger picture and the goals and dreams you have for your life and sense checking whether what you’re filling your time with and who you are surrounding yourself with aligns with this.
– Scheduled non scheduled time 😆.
– Taking yourself outdoors for any length of time in all weathers can be really refreshing (especially in Scotland!). Trying this unplugged can allow you to take in new sights and smells you otherwise might fail to notice.
I’d love to know about you and whether this is a challenge for you too? As well as anything you’ve tried that has worked well to intentionally allow you to rest and replenish.
🌹 Until next time
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