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I’ve been working with a brilliant client who was grappling with a dilemma recently but struggling to take any meaningful steps forwards. My observation was that this was largely due to being caught up in a spiral of negative thoughts, completely stuck and unable to move beyond them. This reminded me just how unhelpful and at times paralysing our own thoughts can be.
Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it is true
If we acted upon every thought we had, likely our lives would look quite different. We’d be much more impulsive but also pretty inconsistent since our thoughts and moods can be quite changeable throughout the course of a day or even a week somewhat like the weather – especially here in the UK (Spring I’m talking to you).
Over time and oh so much practice I have learnt to initially observe strong thoughts and emotions. Treating these as indicators that offer information for reflection in the first instance then comes the harder but interesting bit of identifying the meaning.
In the untangling of it all, we’ll often find a mixture of truths, part truths, (sometimes false) perceptions and the worst culprit of all – borrowed beliefs. Emotions such as shame, guilt, fear and worry are often the unwelcome old friends lurking in the shadows keen to stir up old thoughts. These beliefs originate from our own independent thoughts or can be borrowed from others.
Borrowed beliefs often come from our nearest and dearest or role models often in our early lives such as parents, grandparents, teachers perhaps former partners too whose words echo somewhat eerily and tend to creep up on us exactly at the point when we are experiencing high levels of self doubt.
I’m sure you know the kind of thing I mean: ‘ your sister has always been x’, ‘you’re no good with y’ or the old favourites I heard often growing up : ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’, ‘money doesn’t make you happy’ or even ‘money is for spending not counting’ compound interest just hadn’t been invented then I expect?! Ooh…there’s a potential future blog but let’s not go down that particular rabbit hole today!
In those challenging moments where we feel overwhelmed and at times paralysed by our thoughts we lack perspective, and without perspective it can be so easy to revert to old comfortable yet at the same time highly uncomfortable thought patterns. Hearing these recycled thoughts many times can trick us in to thinking that a particular thought must be true and we absorb that belief as our own.
In coaching sessions when I sense this pattern, I encourage clients to take a helicopter view of the situation to allow them some distance between themselves and their thoughts and therefore some subjectivity. Solo this can be hard to achieve but with practice can kick in quite quickly and naturally. When we are caught up and consumed by our thoughts and emotions, often we become drawn deeper into the anxiety or negativity of what we are thinking and feeling, without stopping to look for hard facts or ask ourselves ” What part of this (if any) is actually true?”.
At the start of this year I was invited to take part in a three part book group on this very topic reading and discussing Nir Eyal’s newly released ‘Beyond Belief’*, led by the man himself. This is Nir’s third book and an extremely thought-provoking read where Nir shares scientific research as well as personal experience to allow us as the reader to consider our own limiting beliefs and the extent to which they have impacted our past and present thoughts and behaviour to appreciate the limits on our growth and start to consider how we can take steps to break this cycle.
It has been amazing to show up to a huge online book group and hear the variety of ways in which others have applied the learning from the book to reflect, challenge their beliefs and to use this newfound insight to drastically improve the quality of their thoughts and behaviour and habits to live life more meaningfully.
One of my favourite lessons Nir shares on the challenges we grapple with in this life is this :
‘When your life feels chaotic, remember: Disorder isn’t a sign that you’re failing at life; its proof that you’re fully immersed in it. If things feel messy, it’s because you’re alive, and that’s an improbable, beautiful miracle. The goal isn’t to eliminate disorder (that’s impossible); rather, it is to develop a productive relationship with it’.
Chapter 8 P149, Beyond Belief, Nir Eyal. Published 16 March 2026.
I’ve just finished the final part and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed applying it to my own thoughts and behaviours and seeing where I can expose the thoughts that are not serving me to get out of my own way and to approach challenges differently. This is one for the Rosebud Book Shelf as well as recommending it to many clients, friends and family of course.
Next time you find yourself in a similar situation, a simple question to ask yourself to move forwards – ‘is this really true?’ Then get in that helicopter, put some distance between you and your thoughts and ask yourself the same question again whilst (hopefully) admiring the view from a different perspective.
And over to you…are there any thoughts you could explore that are potentially keeping you stuck or limiting your potential? Start by asking yourself what facts or tangible evidence you actually have?
I’m Rosie, I blend coaching, personal finance and behavioural science to support you to gain fresh insights and feel GREAT about money. You can find out how to Work with me here.
🌹 Until next time!
Blog written without the help of AI therefore a few imperfections are almost guaranteed.
*I have received no financial gain for recommending this book. As a prerequisite to taking part in the book club I bought the book on pre-order and in return received early access to the book and membership to the book club to discuss the book.
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